The Files Of Blame Atkins
by fallen angel overlord
Summary: Weird stuff discussed. Characters secret truths are revealed as Blame the Empath stands in as the school therapistcounciller. Read A Matter Of Control by The Dark's Familiar first for Background info. Review and suggest tell me your fave entries! Slash di


**The Files of Blame Atkins, student being a Student-Councillor**

By Fallen Angel Overlord

NOTES: Read A Matter of Control by The Dark's Familiar to find out whom: Blame and Martinique are. That is full-fledged graphic slash. This is not but the Rating is still R. If y'all review me and tell me your favourite entries or even make suggestions (which you will receive credit for should they be used) I'll update the entries or alter them to suit everyone. All comments welcome. Flames bore me, as they are a sign of unoriginal and blank thought.

DISCLAIMER: Dr. Lovejoy and Blame are mine. So is Martinique personality. If I owned this then I would have killed Jean off permanently and given my new Martinique her place.

**A Day planner Diary thing**

Standing in for Doctor Lovejoy because him and Piotr got lotsa Love and lotsa Joy on his desk. So I'm standing in, part-time X-man and part-time psychologist. Then again all X-men are teachers here. So I'm now in his office with his obnoxious beanbags and rows of books (most are not on psychology)

I just do the counselling thing.

Eventually I'll be allowed teach. They just have to get over my nerves I can't HELP it if I freeze people's molecules when I panic. It's better then slinging them out the window like I used to.

Besides the class unfroze after, like, 20 seconds.

But I probably shouldn't have done it again. And Again. And Again. And given them homework. The classes are getting bigger anyway so they need me to do classes. I hope so anyway.

I've dug out my old report, I have to use these for all the patients, and I stick them in just before I start writing.

**Blame Atkins, (I'm 18 and an Active X-man but he's left that out)**

**B. Atkins:** _Psionic who relies heavily on his empathy to control his molecular control powers and telekinetic and telepathic abilities. Strange healing factor. Afraid of human contact (not so much anymore). Covers skin (I suppose so). Look issues (my healing factor didn't kick in until recently). Is the male Rogue (bastard). Cute ass and eyes (I need to stop reading so I can throw up). Pathetically morbid history I don't care about (Git)._

**09:30 Piotr Rasputin**

**P. Rasputin:** _Russian farmer's son. Able to coat himself in virtually unbreakable metal covering. Superhuman strength. Big bodybuilder type. Shy. Just wants to help. Needs an outlet for energy. Artistic talents. Voted Most Likely To Be Involved In A Sex Scandal._

He's been down since he can't play Councillors and French Maids with the councillor this time around (and they said forcefully flinging people who touched me through walls, windows, doors, cheesecake displays and the worlds largest ball of yarn was a bad thing).

I imagine Councillors and French maids is something like Doctors and Nurses...it explains Piotr asking could he take the nylons in Dr Lovejoy's bottom drawer...to think I'm missing Hank McCoy stammering through the reproductive system for this.

Well I didn't know that. Did you? Piotr wanted to be known as Darlene Devine and buy a French Poodle. Then his father said forget it and insisted instead of a home dressmaking course he would take a potato farming degree.

I want to die. I wish Sinister had had the Marauders at the very least deafen me. Maybe surgically remove my libido...ugh...why wasn't I born minus genitals? I think Little Blame is retreating into my body at the thought of Piotr in garters and high heels.

Though I applaud his balance if he can do it. Which evidently he can because he's using the coffee table as a catwalk...I think I'd like the smaller office...where he can't show me the glittering pink and black pumps he somehow bought in his size. Chime you damn clock!

Closing Notes: Groped a few times. Found his frickin outlet. I've found a sketch pinned to the he actually do that to himself with a bar of soap and a packet of Pixie sticks? Ugh let's not go there.

**10:30 –Jubilation Lee **

**J. Lee: **_Chinese American Beverly Hills Girl. Never goes anywhere without her yellow coat. Loves training with Wolverine. Pranks people all the time. Suspect in 52 separate incidents in her 2 years here. Generates Pyrotechnic spheres of energy that resemble fireworks. She always eats the last Danish._

We will not address the yellow trench coat. I don't want her to get into my room and fill my underwear with cockroaches.

The humour behind it is too perverted.

She has a war going on with Bobby. She asked me for a good recipe to Sweet and Sour sauce. And if I knew which was better to lace with the or shampoo. I said conditioner.

We finally got to talking...I have now solved 23 of the biggest Institute Mysteries... plus I've made her give me back the pair of boxers she stole to sell to the girls... I'm not good looking. They just take pity on the kid who tasted his first french-fry 8 months ago. But Bobby always seems eager to point out my eyes, lips, ass and stomach... Jubilee points these out too but with more groping.

When we finally address her issues she starts cracking gum. But she does talk.

I just didn't understand a word. Except for a parting remark about looking for a large Turkey.

I have to ask Bobby to freeze the gum off the seats now. And why does the room suddenly smell like sauerkraut?

Scratch that I opened the drawers, found the answer. Now how'd she manage that?

**11:30 – Remy LeBeau**

**R. LeBeau:** _Cajun thief. Rigs poker. Slept around until Rogue kissed him to shut him up. Now he's devoted to her. But he still window shops. Can charge things with kinetic energy and throw them for an explosive result. Needs to admit he's NOT god's gift to the world. Insecure?_

He is staring at my shirt. It's open because it's a hot day. Why is he staring at my chest? That's it I'm getting a turtleneck. Now he's started talking about his life in Nyorlens. Hmm...he was married. Now that was doomed to failure from the get go.

Wait he was married?

Oh that explains it. His bride tried to kill him after she went bonkers. Being nearly killed can do that to a person. Trust me I know.

Once he's stopped charging the complimentary mints that have been there forever (honestly? I'm glad something's happening with them. I could have sworn they moved) we finally address issues

Mainly his undressing issues. And the fact he ran through the school in nothing but a pair of running shoes last Tuesday. He says it was because he was chasing the naught squirrels with his boxers.

But he doesn't usually wear underwear

Now its Martinique's illusions. Oh sure it's all her fault

Having reread last sentence it probably was.

**11:30 –Katherine Pryde**

**K. Pryde:** _Able to speed up her molecules and walk through solid matter. She's a highly intelligent and popular girl. And yet she ends up in counselling sessions. She has some unresolved issues with other people's privacy. And doesn't like to talk about people behind their backs or eavesdrop. She circulates information on certain persons that came into her possession and has controlled overhearing._

Twenty minutes into the session and I've found this much out:

Bobby left his shirt in a supply closet yesterday (naughty Bobby)

Ms Monroe lost her accent because making out with that Forge guy damaged her tonsils

Mr Summers is actually the long lost illegitimate son of Sinister

Ms Monroe dyes her hair

Jubilee was the one who doped the cheese mix at Easter because she wanted a shot at Piotr.

Ms Monroe --- God she has it in for that woman

I addressed her issues about phasing into rooms without knocking and eavesdropping. She asked me if I'd heard what Mr Worthington did between classes. I sooooooo don't need to know that. I also talked to her about the fact that she had phased St. Johns copies of playboy through the wall.

Did she just say it was Play**girl**?

**12:30 – Lunch**

Well I'm eating lunch and thanking the heavens it's the summer. Most of the students have already left. Bobby can't go home since his brother thinks he's a freak of nature and his mothers asking him if he could get a blood transfusion at the same time his Dad says he knew there was something wrong with the boy. He's living at the mansion now. We actually picked up his stuff, I froze the members of the house and we cleared out his room. John didn't fry any police this time though.

Hang on...Bobby's head's seems to have either mutated into a turkey or the person to garnish it put it on his head and Jubilee's got a gravy boat... hmmm...how'd she manage that?

**13:30 –Martinique Jason**

**M. Jason/Stryker**: _Granddaughter of Stryker. Daughter of his son Jason. Possesses telepathic and illusion casting abilities as the power to generate psionic shapes (psionic blades and masks and stuff). Cold-hearted, manipulative, lethal femme fatale loner-bitch. May have relationship issues. Wants to kill her sister Regan._

Oh fuck. She turned up in her leathers...okay so she wears only three fabrics: Leather, Cashmere and Silk. She might wear other fabrics that cover more on a trip to a church, or possibly at Christmas...

Even gay guys notice Martinique. She is hot as hellfire. Plus she's never had surgery and the last girl to say she had ended up thinking axel grease was a slushy. The discovery it wasn't led to stomach pumps for her and a sharp talking to for Martinique.

She dazzled me with Oscar Wilde quotes...then I asked her to address the issues. She asked what issues. I said her sister...

Hey! Where the hell am I?

**14:30 –Hank McCoy**

**H. McCoy**_Superhumanly strong and agile acrobatic blue being. Highly intelligent but his mobile phone tone is the Macarena. Has issues about using small words instead of walking around like a thesaurus. Possibly a secondary mutation?_

Well this was awkward. It's hard enough to talk to someone wearing pince-nez and quoting Shakespeare with an intellect that makes you feel like an amoeba with a dunce's hat on in a class of amoeba's.

But does he have to hang from the ceiling?

Luckily I had a thesaurus nearby so I understood most of the stuff he said. Then he started talking about his latest project and my brain started to hum show tunes. He finally took a drink of water and (trying to break this nasty strain of people avoiding talking to the empathic guy) I asked him how he was feeling.

Mistake, suddenly he's asking if my empathic powers are acting up. Do I still need to focus through them to use my other powers? Have I stopped nervously freezing people (evidently people still don't realize when I freeze them because he just continued talking after...that was an answer to his question) and was I still picking up Mr Worthington's sex dreams. (Not gonna touch that one with a stick)

Okay out of all the people avoiding my questions so far he's been the best. Luckily I had an answer.

I blasted his brain with empathic energy. One wolly-pwop later and I was getting an in-depth look at his psyche.

Now I just need to figure out to age his brain back up from 5 years old.

Damn this is harder then Dr Phil and Oprah make it look.

Is Oprah a Councillor?

**15:30 – Ororo Munroe **

**O. Monroe**: _She can control the weather with her mind. She has a serious superiority complex and can't hold down an accent. That issue must be addressed. Also is she getting any since the major spike in homosexuality among males in the institute... does she have any friends? Is that a wig? Does her menstrual cycle really cause the small hurricanes and monsoon rains?_

Well the meeting started well, until I figured out it was That Time Of The Month. But it explained the hurricane that rearranged the room. Let me tell you, it's much harder to talk to someone when you're spinning around him or her in a hurricane.

This whole "descended from a goddess" thing has gone to her head. Mainly because she demanded that I offer a goat as a sacrifice. Three seconds later she was making suggestions for flower boxes.

Women! Even an Empath can't get them.

She told me of her recurring dreams of winning an Oscar and cutting her hair after she dies it black...it's a sort of metaphor I think. Personally I'm going to let her figure out who Sidney is on her own.

Now, we have to address the fact she monsoon-ed my room and I ended up wringing out the carpets as we discussed her accent. Jubilee had already helpfully pointed it out when she shouted across the lunch hall last week: "HEY STORMY WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ACCENT".

This confused Ms Monroe. She spent several hours sitting in the middle of the concentrated rain of fish debating whether she was losing her powers too. Said rain of fish was very centralized later when it somehow found its way up the stairs and down the hall into Jubilees room.

**16:30 – Charles Xavier**

**C. Xavier:** _Head of the institute. The boss. An alpha level telepath. He has issues about his about his inability to walk. Talks about his arch nemesis a lot. A LOT._

The Professor was very polite. He asked if I'd been feeling well, then asked me if I'd give an honest opinion. From there everything went downhill. As in straight to hell.

Okay, 1) I didn't need to hear him ask me if for a "50-something I tell you" did Magneto really have a 23-year-olds ass. It haunts a guy...ugh now I have mental images. 2) He asked me if I was a master of magnetism and I was expecting him at a small café would he wear teal or sea green. Again haunting me like yesterday's tuna casserole. 3) Could you get hollow cakes people jumped out of with wheelchair access?

I froze him.

I froze the Professor.

I froze the leader of my team

I froze the most powerful telepath in the world

I froze my principal (okay that doesn't totally annoy me)

Oh his unfreezing... ... ... ... okay we're back and he's frozen again. Good thing I brought my gameboy.

Now I just have to use it to beat myself into unconsciousness. Chime you damn clock! Chime!

**17:30 – Warren Worthington**

**W. Worthington:** _A multimillionaire with wings. Calls himself Angel. Was kindly asked NOT to wear his Speedos to class as it caused too much distraction. Likes long flights in the rain and guys with visors...hmmmm. Undress the slutiness issues. Address! Address!_ (I need soap for my eyes)

We finally managed to get him seated so his wings didn't knock over any lamps or other chairs. Beanbags don't help the winged folk get comfortable. But I amn't sure they help anyone get comfortable.

We first spoke of his life before the mutation. Things got scary when we got to military school I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THEIR SHOWERING HABITS. And definitely not in such graphic, graphic, graphic, graphic detail. Did I mention it was graphic?

He also tried to tell me about blue men and big...yeah you get what I mean. I advanced to his various habits. Did anyone know he shaved his legs and chest? No. Then I am now the only one. And I have passed it on. Please kill me now, seriously. I'm beginning to wish Sinister had just gutted me in that cell under the leather factory. Or removed my genitals because now he's mentioned The Blob, leotards and showering in the same sentence and suddenly I feel like throwing myself into oncoming traffic.

Apparently he can't catch a tan; he tried when he was first turned blue using his big metal wings. But every time he tried to adjust them he ended up nailing wildlife flying overhead with a feather.

Ouch. Poor birdie.

We also talked about his past on tabloid covers posing nude in Playdude. Well he talked about it. I just wished I could zap my own brain. It worked out fine.

**18:30 – Dinner **

And now I'm getting odd looks from everyone. Bobby still smells like cold roast turkey and stuffing. John suggested they go and shower it out. How very nice of him (yeah I amn't that naïve I know what he meant). They must have been in a rush to get it done. (Ahem, I did not just write that). Ms Munroe was locked in a linen closet with the liquid proportions of a medium sized bull elephant in jello with her.

Jubilee was last seen shooting past the window in a hurricane. John has just come down the stairs saying a closet full of Sweet and Sour Sauce attacked him and Bobby. Now, what were they doing in the closet together? And why did he seem under the impression showering wouldn't get it out, only saliva? Bobby seems to be up in the room upset because it ruined his hair and all his clothes and he'll be totally naked until the next wash. John is not so unhappy despite the same damage to his property... yeah you get where this is going.

Monet does not. She's still throwing herself at John.

Idiot. OOH! OH! She just took the last Chocolate pudding. Bitch.

**19:30 – Kurt Wagner**

**K. Wagner:** _Blue skinned, pointy-eared guy with a tail. He can teleport, he has three toes and three fingers. I wonder if the legends are true about three fingers...and what exactly can he do with that tail? Long hours of "therapy" advised. Very religious. How about biblical?_ (God, this guy was pretty much hitting on all his patients)

Ah, dark secrets revealed. He's finally admitted it...he envies the smurfs. He also admits that he had a thing for the ONLY Smurfette (she must have gotten around the block a few times...scratch that she was the intercity bus service in my book) and that Poppa Smurf gave him an inferiority complex.

He also revealed that the tattoos on his body were because he'd gone on a bender on a few bottles of church wine and let some psycho priest practice his art on his unconscious body. On the bright side at least he can see his tattoos...and what they say...most people wake up on a naval ship with a vague recognition of getting someone's name on their ass.

And usually not someone they knew.

He hung out of the light arrangement for a while, debating whether or not to tell me why he was called Nightcrawler in the circus...sound sinister, may avoid. He also told me that he missed his Strudel because no one had a clue how to make it.

On the plus scale I managed to get someone to eat the Sauerkraut from my desk drawer. Stick that in your blender and blitz it Jubilation Lee!

Have reread last sentence am mentally kicking myself (I can do that)

**20:30 – Marie LikeIhaveaclueshewon'ttellanyone**

**M. Whatever:** _Can take a person's memories and abilities through touch. She can't control it. So she wears a storehouse of clothes. I must ask can I borrow her opera gloves. Address her being lethal. Address her relationships. Remember that Wolverine will castrate all males near her. Am safe_. (Well Marie was okay no matter what)

Well she has some issues about people ignoring her, feels like no one loves her (Can I mention Remy? Please?). She has some serious issues about not being noticed I mean YEESH!

Who was viciously flirted with on her first day here? Oh-oh! It's Rogue! And who got ice roses and fireballs? Oh yeah! Rogue! Who's got Mr Bodyguard Wolverine? Rogue!

Wow...I'm pretty bitter

Well I've found a new friend, it's called the personality altering drugs cabinet and I don't even need to twinge a thought on a synapse to make them all fuzzy. Now let's see what I can get...

I was nearly swallowed by the damn beanbag chair...damn it! Why couldn't Lovejoy have modelled himself after Freud instead of...of...a therapist/councillor with BEANBAGS!

Okay have given Rogue some pills...hmm...according to the label they cause feelings of paranoia and intense suspicion of others.

Well that should give her some diversity from not being noticed.

How long can it last?

**21:30 – Faculty Meeting**

Matters addressed: 11

Units of Alcohol consumed per teacher: 7 in shot glasses.

I was eventually asked why I stabbed the beanbag chairs. I replied that I was carrying scissors and fell. When they asked why they were stabbed between 12 and 23 times I replied they had waxed the floor.

They're considering getting my Empathy regulated.

Stress has a funny affect on me.

Piotr is asking Martinique where he can get a pair of 7-inch heeled knee-high leather boots like hers for his large footed aunt. What aunt? This is getting creepy. Thankfully the professor is going into town to select stainless steel furniture for a friend...the only people who use stainless steel furniture are Swedish Deli Owners and megalomaniacs with island lairs...

Please tell me he knows a Swedish Deli Owner.

**00:12 – Awake**

Can't sleep. People dreaming too loudly. Decided to watch TV and run over my reports and...

I had to discourage the kid from blinking the TV channels. Trust him to be the only one who doesn't sleep around here... do you know how hard it is to focus when someone's flicking stations because he feels like showing off.

READ A BOOK! GOD! Oh man...I'm starting to stress out...I need to calm down, I'm picking up negative signals...block them out... Ignore the flicking TV...Ignore IT! Oh I give up. I'm going to go annoy Martinique so she'll knock me out!

**09:30 – Robert Drake **

**R. Drake:** _Field leader of the junior team. Able to create ice...he can freeze himself over. Oh the possibilities... pent up sexual frustration...branded possible homosexual must tweak the gaydar. Again. Possibilities._ (I am so glad Dr Lovejoy is gone)

My field leader, the field leader of the junior team...is sitting here looking a little antsy. I will not tackle the sexuality thing; I am no slave to the rumour mill. I'll just ask him what he thinks of stuff...yes...stuff

Apparently he has a long-standing rivalry with Jubilee because she fed Razzles to his hamster and killed it. That was so stupid and cruel. He thinks John left the team that time because he saw that Mystique was allowed run around stark naked and guessed he would be too.

I waited ten minutes for him to come out of a trance. Something about that last sentence. When we talked about Wolverine he said he respected him. He also said that he was in no way interested in the fact Wolverine could scratch his ear with his foot and give himself a tongue bath.

He also added the reason he didn't tell Mr Summers to stop dancing in his underwear in the Blackbird for a half-an-hour was because he respected him and was not watching him do a little dance to the Britney and Madonna duet for said half-hour because he was hypnotized by the dimples on his butt

He also refused to answer any questions on why he agreed to go Speedo shopping with Warren Worthington (the guy must collect).

And he assured me that he DID have a best friend, a confidante and stalwart friend in St. John. All they did was occasionally warm each other, give friendly massages, save water by showering together and on occasion gave each other preppy fashion tips.

Then he mentions the Absolutely Fabulous DVD collection they shared and I just gave up. Popular Belief – 1, Coincidence, Idle Gossip & Misunderstanding - 0

**10:30 – Erik Magnus Lensherr **

**E. Lensherr**: _Master of Magnetism. Issues of superiority. Don't get him angry; he could make a stapler attack you. Address the fact he's here. Address his drinking problems. Address the fact he calls Prof. Xavier: Charlie-kin_. (Educational)

I'm surprised and shocked to find him sitting in my office. I'm surprised he's in the mansion. I'm surprised about a lot of things.

Particularly the pink suit with ruffled shirt. But he wore magenta and violet into battle so nothing can kill me from shock. I find it most disheartening he's wearing the anti-telepathy helmet.

I wish villains would accessorize around fashion instead of malevolent intent.

It'd be refreshing.

Of course the second he comes in he heads for the mini-bar... I amn't sure why that's there anyway but this was decorated by a man who uses the student records to scope out possible conquests.

We have a relatively civilized chat. He seems to be trying to woo me to the side of evil because he needs a psychic. I've been promised the following: A nice costume, place on a freezing icebox of an island, free beer, interesting paperclip tricks every day at 3:42pm, stainless steel office furniture, free beer, a guaranteed win at the slots in Vegas, free beer, free office supplies and the opportunity to have a one-on-one fight with up to three X-men in a random local of evil plotting that may end with me dying.

And he says that if I join now I can get free beer.

Thankfully he's blotto by the time he finishes this speech. Then he begins a slurred little speech. He puts on a lampshade and dances a little jig, then asks a colourful flower arrangement on the balcony that he's mistaken for "Charlie-kin" if it wants to go shopping for pretty lawn ornaments and window treatments.

He finally passes out with the lampshade and a bottle of scotch.

Ah the simple pleasures...and I didn't even have to freeze him once!

**11:30 – St.John Allerdyce**

**St.J Allerdyce:** _Pyrokinetic who can control and shape flame but can't create it. He generates heat however...has certain inadequacy issues and bad relationship with father, runaway, and multiple foster homes. Needs a Daddy! Remember to turn up heat in the office!_ (I refuse to comment on this one, it's too sick)

I covered all the furniture in non-flammable sheets and kept a few (10) fire extinguishers around. I also put up a No Smoking sign. I believe this just irritated him more then anything.

We talked about his father...this is why my notes are partially singed. Buddha, bless telekinetic shields. He has confided in me the reason he left the team that first time. He was intrigued by Mystiques permission to run into battle buck-naked. I have a visual image I will change the subject.

John has also told me that he and Bobby are not an item. He is not a homosexual and he is currently seeing an attractive woman called Bobberta. (Seriously. I'm a telepathic empathic here...really).

John also revealed how he could afford his collection of Zippo's. (He has 249 and not one is the same as another). Apparently he is/was an exotic performance artist for privileged clientele in a lesser-known nightspot for the discerning gentleman.

He worked in a strip club.

I managed to survive the ordeal with no burns but I smell like burnt hair...ick

**12:30 – Lunch **

Rogue barricaded herself in the cheese pantry today (YES we HAVE a CHEESE PANRTY). She was wearing a tinfoil hat and holding a butter knife...I will maintain that this is not my fault. Everyone blames the psychotherapeutic drugs. Pfft.

Monet took the last chocolate pudding but this time Martinique wanted it more then me. We're not sure what happened but Monet is now convinced she's a Penguin that wants to fly...its sad that she can't seem to do it...

**13:30 – Mr Nathaniel Essexbutitssinisternow**

**N. Essex/Sinister**: _Evil geneticist who's over 150 years old but still looks in his thirties. Telepathic, molecular control, energy generation. I wonder if he's as white ALL over his body. Address his obsession with Genetics. And does he get any if he's always working on cloning things? Is it true what they say about men who make a deal with evil entities for mutant powers and their sizes? _(...Eh...ewww...)

Sinister just kind of sobbed and cried. I got the following information:

1 He has insecurities about his brother Mike

2 He's upset that NSync split

3 He never got a fire engine for his birthday

4 Someone taped over his Elton John in concert tape.

And this man threatens the safety of all humans and mutants alike... hmm...

**14:30 – Logan Justloganwannamakesomethinofit** (there's a lot of that going around these days)

**L. Nolastname**_: Healing factor. Admantium bones. Claws. Feral senses. I wonder if he could sniff around me...hmmm. Address the amnesia. Address the fact he can give himself a tongue bath. Enquire when was the last time he got a screwing. After all he was in the wilderness, alone for a very, very long time._ (Watching him unconscious in the med lab was a spectator sport last year)

Well he gave himself a tongue bath while he was waiting and they bizarrely hypnotic imagery is melded to my mind for the rest of my natural life (however natural it may be). I have made a mental note to have the drinks cabinet removed but I'm glad the alcohol didn't inebriate him easily.

He's told me about a dream he's sure is connected to his past.

It's one where he is inside a closet swimming in chocolate syrup with Mr Summers and they are both naked. I'm guessing this is a post-heavy-drinking memory because three weeks ago all the laundry smelt really interesting.

I addressed his tension with Mr Summers (It's not sexual). Apparently they have a support system going. If either gets depressed then the other comes over and they talk, and drink wine, and watch TV and listen to music and braid each other's hair...

Moving on. He also says that he is not completely against Mr Summers. He says that his pouty bottom lip is incredibly attractive to his manly urges.

I need a bucket

**15:30 – Scott Summers**

**S.Summers:** _Optic blasts that he can't control, requires a visor to contain them. Should accidentally break the visor and "be there for him". Definitely not getting much if any. Needs a tongue bath. Field leader and wears an anatomically correct leather suits. Address the under-sexed issues...eheheheh_ (he actually did write down his cackles...he deserved to be fired)

He just blubbered like a baby for the entire hour. I have no clue what he said all I saw was an uptight man crying like a baby...it was sad...but his lower lip is very hypnotic. So. Very. Hypnotic...just...pouting...NO! I will not fall for it!

**16:30 – Victor Creed:**

**V. Creed**: _Feral tiger man. Healing Factor. Address his issues with Wolverine did they ever...get animalistic? Oh now there's a thought. Talk to him about his need to disembowel people...but at a distance. Take the seat nearest the door. See if he'll do naked press ups...big chest._ (God this guy was really too much...yuck!)

Well I lured him into the room using pieces of stake it tossed out before him. He actually makes the way Logan eats look acceptable. Anyway once he was settled and had used the kitty litter box we discussed his anger issues.

He tore up a chair and a coffee table before bursting into tears and saying "it's all a sham, a lie, a fake I tell you". He revealed that he's not as tough as he looks. He plays with Barbie, sleeps with a teddy bear and watches the Carebear Countdown re-runs.

Suddenly I feel very disappointed. And apparently Wolverine actually subdued him bys scratching him behind the ear...again...disappointed. I used regression therapy to help him work through it. Sadly this did not have the desired effect. He started to wail and wet himself. Turpentine worked the smell out though.

He left wearing a blood suit with footsies and sucking his thumb.

Will anyone notice the difference?

**17:30 – Mortimer Toynbee**

**M. Toynbee:** _Powerful legs, various forms of phlegm. Long, strong tongue...oh now that has so much potential. Ask him to try naked therapy. Discuss looks issues. Give him a good skin moisturizer. Issues about impotence? Talk about his tadpoles now these are mutant powers I could see having benefits_ (Just kill me now)

I just HAD to have him on the day he had a cold. I spent the first part of the session avoiding his sneezes. This left glue-phlegm all over the place...however I can now stick pictures up and not have to worry about them falling down.

He told me that his green skin was given a healthy glow by using a blend of Moisturiser, kiwi-cucumber-face mask and Trispitalene Menosofosotosophate. It also explains his interesting smell.

He has some issues about his appearance. Namely too much emphasis on it. Regrettably I've been cut off from the drugs I can prescribe. Luckily I had M&M's in my desk. I told him they were pills that would make him feel much better.

On his way off the premises he put the moves on Storm, Martinique, Jubilee and Kitty. He was kicked through a door, zapped by a lightening bolt, blitzed by fireworks and ended up with disturbing mental images of naked Blob.

On the bright side he told me that he had always dreamed of starting an anteater farm in New Jersey...it's the tongue thing I think.

**18:30 – Dinner**

Jubilee unscrewed all the saltshakers.

Reward for any information leading to her being found.

On the bright side it was pizza night and we had plenty. The downside was that Mr Summers, Mr Logan and Mr Worthington all went to eat the pizza and the ice cream in the hot tub in Mr Worthington's room.

I won't ask.

**19:30 – Yuriko Oyama**

**Y. Oyama:** _Healing factor. Superhuman senses. Long nails. Address the fact she's not very talkative. Ask where she bought her leather corset it's simply fabulous. Discuss her return from the dead. Remember she can slice me more then Wolverine. Suggest a manicure. Suggest at a distance_ (Well he wasn't completely incapable)

She's been very depressed that all she said during the Alkali Lake escapade was "What are you doing here?" She's raging that Mystique said more then her and she's also majorly peeved that getting a manicure-pedicure-facial combo requires a welding iron and safety goggles. However she has been very good with inkblots.

For example she saw...

Jean Grey...drowning (lots of laughter from her, gees! She didn't even know the woman and she hated her... what is it about Dr Grey no one likes?)

Stryker...being strangled by a chain

Stryker...having his head cut off with a rusty saw blade

Stryker...being run over by a big-rig.

I don't think she likes Stryker. Apparently it wasn't the brainwashing she resented...but the fact that she didn't get good Dental. Truth was the real means of control he had over her was free Internet access.

She left the room with an injector gun of metal when I advised she get a new perspective...this could be bad for Logan

**20:30 – Raven Darkholme**

**R. Darkholme**: _Shape shifter. Martial artist. Address any personality confusion she may have. Ask her to morph into a naked Scott Summers for therapeutic reasons. Talk about her family life. Don't mention her scars she might take it personally. See if she does requests...because there's this Antonio Banderas fantasy where he..._ (Okay I Tipex-ed the next three lines, I've had enough trauma thanks.)

I spoke with the infamous Ms Darkholme on many points...including her family. Now THAT was a fiasco. I lost complete understanding after she explained her first three boyfriends. Apparently she's somehow managed to become her own Grandpa.

When I asked her why she doesn't dress when going into battle she replied: "Because I shouldn't have to". This was also her answer to the questions: Why can't she parallel park? Why can't she stop listening to polka? And the all time classic: Why doesn't she stop using so much hair gel.

She told me that her original function in the Brotherhood was not to imitate people and then kick ass with martial arts skills, but in fact to morph into Professor X.

So that she could go shopping for fabric with Magneto and call him shnoockims. She convinced him to let her start high-kicking people around for their cause and then pointed him in the direction of a Swedish made-to-order-companion catalogue.

He and the companion are very happy but the obsession her boss harbours with men in wheel chairs is disturbing. We closed the session with her award winning imitation of Winona Ryder. She walked out of the office with a paperweight and then claimed that she was just practicing for a role.

Classic.

And she does requests as well as children's parties and wine evenings. 

**21:30 – TV time**

Jubilee was found alive and well tied up in the trunk of the Jag. Monet took the last tub of ice cream. Bitch. Full-scale mutiny followed and Monet tried to get us to pity her by explaining her long-winded and highly complex family history.

It just aggravated us more.

The professor returned with three swatches of fabrics...I will keep that to the office. Might I also point out Mr Logan, Mr Warrington and Mr Summers are nowhere in sight?

Hey...anyone else smell chocolate syrup?

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**_END_**

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Well? Review. Make suggestions. Tell me what you liked. Tell me what you didn't.

I need to go lie down I'm on an insomnia bender and I have homework waiting for me.


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